Final Fantasy: EvilCool Guy D&D Game
by The Fellow Marauder
Summary: Selected characters of Final Fantasy come together to play D&D. OOC expected. Rated for innuendo. Cowritten by GuardianSaiyan


This is something GuardianSaiyan wrote in a story I was writing with my tomodachi, Kouga. I am posting this 1) because it's funny, and 2) I continued it, so it is like we wrote it together.

So no biting the ninja. Undastand?

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy in any way, shape, or form. The only games I played were stolen from friends; that also includes the game system I played them on. (sob) I don't have any cool video game thingy...!

_Narration_: Meanwhile, Auron makes his way to the back of the boat and opens a trapdoor. Inside the secret compartment of the boat, a bunch of men sit in a circle.

Seifer: Welcome, Auron.

Auron: How did you get here? I thought you were in Zanerkand.

Seifer: I told that fool Seymour that I had to go to the bathroom.

Black Mage: Around I use my evil power of Chaos to bring him here.

(Everyone laughs evilly except Auron because he's not evil, so he just laughs)

Auron: (sitting down at a round table) Shadow, Garland, Sephiroth, it's also good to see you could make it. (Then to everyone) Welcome everybody, to the 11th annual evil-cool guy D&D game!

Garland: I brought cookies!

(Shadow emerges every necessary item from the shadows of his shadowy ninja clothing)

Sephiroth: So, Auron. How's your quest to kill Seymour going? (Auron pours saké and passes it out)

Auron: Alright, I guess, though I'm teamed up with idiots who don't get the job done.

Seifer: Well can you people hurry up? If you don't come soon enough, I'm going to kill Seymour myself! I mean, he's soooo FUGLY! I mean, jeez! A piece of shit looks better than his face!

Garland: Yeah. I'd much rather kiss poop than that thing.

(Silence; BM runs away)

Auron: Alright... does everyone have their character sheets?

Seifer: Yup! I'm the half-elf warlock named D'artanian!

Shadow: I'm the halfling thief named Ganidrof!

Sephiroth: I'm the half-orc, Gnar!

Garland: And I'm the lovely human bard named Nee the Enchantress

Auron: Isn't your character a male?

Garland: Yeah. Sooo?

(more silence)

Auron: Since we left off, you three were in the domain of the evil vampire, Gustav.

Garland: Is he cute!

Auron: Umm... sure. In a vampiric type of way... and D'artanian, you're at the pub.

Seifer: I attack with hadoken!

Auron: At the vampire?

Seifer: Yeah

Auron: But you're at THE PUB!

Seifer: Then I get drunk.

Auron: Okay.

Shadow: Okay. I use my magical throwing knives of doom plus-3.

Auron: At what, exactly?

Shadow: At the vampire, of course!

Seifer: Am I drunk yet?

Auron: I said you're in the lair of Gustav. It's nighttime; he's not there.

Garland: Then I steal _all_ of his underwear!

(more silence)

Seifer: Am I drunk NOW?

Auron: (rolls some dice) Yes.

Garland: I'm going to use Song of Movement to redecorate his lair.

Auron: You've already used that once today.

Seifer: Are there any girls there?

Garland: Nu-uh! I didn't!

Auron: (sighs) Yes, you did. You redecorated the princess' room, remember?

Garland: Oh, yeah. I made that place look real good, didn't I?

Seifer: Are there any girls at the pub? Cuz if there's girls there, I wanna DO them!

Auron: Shut the hell up, idiot.

Seifer: _D'artanian_! Not "idiot"!

Auron: (rolls his eyes and sighs heavily)

Shadow: Is there anything there to steal?

Auron: ...he's a vampire.

Shadow: So? He could have valuable things!

Auron: (shrugs and rolls some dice again) No. There's nothing.

Shadow: You sure?

Auron: Pretty sure.

Shadow: ...damn.

Garland: Where am I now?

Auron: Still in the lair.

Garland: Do I have all his underwear yet?

Auron: (stares blankly at Garland, his eyesbrows raised) ...

Shadow: If anyone is going to steal his underwear, it's gonna be _me_! I'm the _theif_, remember?

Garland: My underwear!

Shadow: Give me them!

Garland: Never!

(both fall to the ground, rolling around and fighting over invisible underpants)

Auron: STOP! The vampire has no underwear, alright? Nothing to steal! No underwear!

Garland: (sulks)

Shadow: (grumbles)

Seifer: ...am I doing anyone yet?

Auron: (annoyed) The bar stool.

Seifer: ... (trying to decide if he is okay with that)

Sephiroth: Can I steal the ring from Frodo Baggins and give it back to my master, Sauron?

Auron: (throws a die at him) This is D&D, not Lord of the Rings! (growls; realizes something and sits erect immediately) _Crap_, Seifer!

Seifer: D'artanian! Stay in-character, DM!

Auron: No! Seifer! Seymour knows you're not in the bathroom; you forgot to lock the door!

(all disperse)

_Owari!_

You like? Anyone? (turns to face a cricket-chirruping missing audience) Heh-heh. I found this a little while ago and I thought twas hilarious. Please dun kill me...! R&R!


End file.
